People come to therapy for all sorts of reasons. Your relationship is strained. You’re worried about money. Your mood has dipped and you don’t know why. You’re facing trauma, or discrimination, or illness, or loss. The world is finally opening back up; you should be relieved … but you’re not. 

Or maybe you want to learn more about yourself—to gain some vital awareness of the emotions, thoughts, and habits that make you who you are. 

Now what? Deciding to go into therapy is the crucial first step. The second step is finding someone you can work with. Numerous studies show that the most important ingredient in psychotherapy is the bond between clinician and client—what is known as the “therapeutic alliance.” In that special and private therapeutic space, you want comfort, trust, curiosity, and compassion. Also maybe some laughter.

Here are some hints on how to make that happen:

• Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Your needs are what matter. This can be hard to remember when you’re in distress, but it’s always the truth. Ask your prospective therapist questions. How do they work? What is their style? What can you expect? Asking questions will not only give you a sense of the kind of work you’ll be doing, it will give you a sense of the personality and temperament of the person you might be working with. 

• Interview more than one person. If you hit if off with the first person you speak to, great. Trust your instincts. But don’t hesitate to interview two or more therapists. Ask questions of each and then make a decision based on comparison and feel. 

• Be honest about your needs. Every person has unique experiences and unique preferences. Keep an open mind—but trust those parts of yourself that desire more direct identification. For example, if you’re a member of the LGBTQ+ community, and you want to see someone who is also a member of that community, honor that need. 

• Consider location. Most therapists are still seeing clients remotely. But that’s likely to change in the near future, and if you want to be in the same room with your therapist, think about how long it will take you to get there, and how travel time will fit into your schedule. Life can be hard enough; your ride on the subway shouldn’t have to be.