A Day in the Life of a Kid with ADHD

Teachers describe him as intelligent, but not reaching his full potential. Historically, he’s effortlessly gotten solid grades in school. As he completes his first year of middle school, his A’s turn to C’s in certain subjects. He starts to struggle with getting assignments in on time. He forgets what his teachers ask of him and refuses to use a planner, convinced he will remember it the next time. Due to his avoidant tendencies and the anxiety it brings him to do so, he procrastinates up until the very last moment. 

The night before something is due, he finds himself playing his favorite video game, rationalizing in his mind that he doesn’t need as much time as he planned to complete the assignment. He bargains with himself: “One more hour of playing my video game and then I will get started on my work.” Hours go by and he doesn’t feel like he has the motivation to get started as he anxiously stares at the clock, picturing the look of disappointment on his teachers’ and parents’ faces. He tells himself he’s a “failure.” He finally falls asleep face down on the pillow. 

Fast forward to the next morning, he sleeps past his alarm and forgets his lunch on his way out to the bus. Embarrassed to be missing his assignment, he makes an excuse that the teacher doesn’t buy, and he disengages for the rest of the day. He tries to get through the day by playing video games on his phone underneath the desk, but gets in trouble when he’s caught. When he gets home, you notice he forgot his jacket at school once again. 

The frustration washes over you. “Why is he so careless??” you ask yourself. If this sounds all too familiar, your child could be struggling with Attention Deficit & Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). I will highlight some common and often misunderstood indicators of a child with ADHD.

1 & 2. Avoidance & Self Esteem in Kids with ADHD

Children with ADHD experience chronic procrastination, the antithesis to task initiation.

Task initiation is the ability to organize one’s thoughts and begin a task. Children with ADHD experience chronic procrastination, the antithesis to task initiation. Unfortunately, on the surface this can appear as a behavioral problem; “my child doesn’t have the right priorities and is outright defying the expectations that are placed on him in favor of playing video games.”

To offer a different perspective, consider the following: Your child loves to play video games, and you offer an incentive of being able to play for extra time when he’s finished if he starts working on his school project at 4pm, shortly after getting home from school. You know video games can be a motivating incentive to get him to do other things like pick up some dirty socks from his floor and put them in the hamper, but for some reason he is unable to get started on time and ends up FaceTiming with a friend, talking about the video game he wants to play. This isn’t your child making a deliberate choice to not complete the project. He cries before going to school every time he knows he will have to face being chastised for a missing assignment, so you do have some evidence that these things matter to him, yet you sense something else is going on.

In reality, your child can’t make a different choice to get started on the project, as he isn’t able to suddenly conjure up the skills many of us take for granted necessary to approach working on a project in an instant, especially if he hasn’t been able to do it since starting middle school, when students often experience an increase in expectations and autonomy.

Many children with ADHD tend to be perfectionistic and worry about falling short of expectations. This fear of failure becomes so powerful that it causes them to avoid doing the task at all. This is a way for them to protect themselves from the deep pain that’s caused by mistakes and underdeveloped skills. Not being able to complete tasks leads to a barrage of blows to self-esteem, reinforcing the sense of inadequacy. Children with ADHD have most likely received a consistent flow of negative feedback, criticism, and poor reactions from others around them related to their choices and languishing organizational skills. This continual stream of comments and reactions start to transform into an internal voice. They start to find it quite difficult to identify any strengths or positive attributes of themselves. This of course takes a toll on self-esteem, further reinforced by the inner critic that is instilled.

3. Impaired Perception of Time in Kids with ADHD

Children with ADHD struggle with estimating how long things will take due to a deficiency in temporal processing abilities.

How often do you hear your child with ADHD say they will be “done in 5 minutes,” only to see them reemerge 45 minutes later? Children with ADHD struggle with estimating how long things will take due to a deficiency in temporal processing abilities. This leads to stark executive functioning challenges and provides opportunity for impulsivity to unfold. This can be perceived by others as a lack of consideration, for example when someone with ADHD is chronically late or keeps others waiting without acknowledgement.

4.  Impulsivity in Kids with ADHD

Emotional state can exacerbate impulsivity, particularly when your child is experiencing an increase in stress or slept poorly the night before.

Impulsive behavior is defined as the tendency to act on whim. Impulsive actions are taken with little forethought or consideration. Your child’s ADHD brain may be predisposed to skip the step of being able to play the tape forward. Often, impulsive actions are seen as disrespectful, lacking morality and consideration of others, etc. Emotional state can exacerbate impulsivity, particularly when your child is experiencing an increase in stress or slept poorly the night before. Conditions such as these only increase the likelihood of impulsivity to become more apparent.

5.  Forgetfulness in Kids with ADHD

The attention of a child with ADHD can be rapidly flooded with all types of new information.

In order to remember or keep track of something, it needs to be imprinted in our working memory. In order for something to properly make it to our working memory, we must focus our attention on whatever it is we’re attempting to remember or keep track of. The attention of a child with ADHD can be rapidly flooded with all types of new information, including sensory feedback (hearing a bird chirp outside of a window, catching a glimpse in your peripheral of your pet trotting by, feeling the air conditioner turn on and tickle the hairs on your leg, etc.), other activities (a sibling is watching a funny YouTube video and your child gets drawn in to watching alongside them), or a barrage of racing thoughts about anything and everything (“I wonder if my dog likes me more than my sister…”). All of this stimulation can make it nearly impossible to focus on recalling the location of their rain boots or remembering to put a dirty plate away after they’re done eating.

The Bottom Line

There are many evidence-based interventions for treating kids with ADHD that can help your kid feel engaged and empowered.

Understanding the cause of many of these seemingly careless behaviors, lack of consideration, and misguided priorities can help us view all of this from a different perspective. This perspective is one of empathy, patience, understanding, and love. This makes it easier to support your child and help start to chip away at finding useful strategies that work for them. The good news is that they are not necessarily condemned to a life full of chaos and low self-esteem. Evidence-based interventions for treating kids with ADHD can help your kid feel engaged and empowered.